not yesterday but a week ago.
Noah asked if he could play with friends.
I said yes but if they were not home or couldn't play to come back.
No one could play so he came back each time.
He played the Wii for a little while and I guess got bored.
From the back of the house I heard "the mail is here" and the door open then close.
I came to the front room and asked Asher if Noah had gone out side. He said yes.
I did one small thing then headed outside.
I called for him but no answer.
I figured he was going to see if someone could play and just spaced telling me (as he sometimes does)
I didn't go looking for him right away.
I loaded the kids into the van and started around the neighborhood.
You need to understand that our neighborhood is a very friendly neighborhood.
We go to church with most the people in it and it does actually feel very safe.
Anyway, so I started around the neighborhood stopping at houses were I thought he would be.
then I started stopping at house where I didn't really think he'd be but maybe be.
then I knocked on a few doors of people I sort of knew but that I didn't really think Noah would go to
I was about 1 hour into the search.
And others in my neighborhood had started looking for him too.
I called Heath and told him I couldn't find Noah.
He came home and started to look in the field behind our neighborhood and in places that i thought were a little strange.
Then I lost it.
I started to get nervous and scared, my mind started to think up all kinds of crazy scenarios and I started to cry.
I guess I was a little nervous the entire time looking but now it seemed all too real.
A friend asked if I had called the police.
I had not.
By this time the kids in the neighborhood (and there are a lot of kids) and some parents were going through the neighborhood.
I asked Heath if I should call the police.
He said that it was probably time.
I had a prayer in my heart the entire time.
I wanted him to show up or think to come and check in with me or something.
I called the police.
The 911 lady stayed on the phone with me until the police got there.
It was hard to even talk without crying.
While talking to her, she asked if there was a pool in the area. I said there was.
She asked if i checked it. I had walked past it but there was a cover on it.
I asked her if I should have checked under the cover,
there was a pause.
I don't think I could bear it.
The police got there at that point so she didn't have to answer but I already knew the answer.
While the police were talking to me (2 hours plus into the search)
I was thinking how could this happen to us.
My prayer changed from asking to find him to telling Heavenly Father I wanted His will to be done but I asked that if I couldn't have him anymore that we would find him dead and that I would rather have that over someone taking him who knows where doing who knows what to him.
I don't know if that makes me a bad mom but that is how I truly felt.
A little hard to swallow?
Not too long later my neighbor who had been out looking on his bike came back with Noah.
Noah was crying and Ben (the neighbor) said he started crying when he saw him and said "i forgot to ask my mom!"
He had been playing at a house that was almost directly behind ours.
some people we really didn't know too well and he was playing inside.
I wasn't mad at him.
Although, I did feel a little like I wanted to punish him for putting me through that.
He was worked up with everyone outside and the police there so i took him inside to make sure nothing had happened to him while he was in that house.
I wanted to share this for two reason....One is that it's free therapy and Two to tell you some things we were watching and reading just before this happened.
I bought this video about strangers. (I found one, i think an older copy, on half.com for $.99)
I think it is great for the kids and helps them learn about safety.
It's kind of funny. reminds me of a SNL skit.
And we have been reading this.
It's about your private parts and keeping them safe.
We live in a pretty crazy world and I think it's totally appropriate to read this to your children.I even read it to Asher who is not quite 4. As soon as they can understand, I'm for it.
As I have been sharing this information there have been quite a few who have trusted me and told me they were a victim of this type of abuse or they know a victim. If it has already happened this can help your child know that it's ok to tell you and then you can respond accordingly and help with healing.
Teach them or they won't know!
There's my story and things I think that help and are important.
and this is Noah!